First Edit: Winter Storm

[RiverNotch]

To be brief: as much as the first one may have read as constructed for the sake of an aphorism (and this is a reader who likes aphorisms), it had one trait far above the edit: brevity. It said better in four (I'm discounting "like broken dreams") what this doesn't in (what reads like) twenty. I'd be content if the original's aphorism were just reworded (in retrospect, it really isn't that smooth) and, as I earlier noted, if "like broken dreams" were replaced.