10-15-2017, 12:55 AM
(10-14-2017, 10:22 PM)QDeathstar Wrote: A few thoughts
If this was meant to be spoken, the author should speak it. Bump bump bump bump has no beat and isn't a particularly interesting refrain.... I can't sleep followed by it wakes me seems like a logic error...
The poem is also very wordy. I'll just, I just, for example.
Okay yeah tbh I wasn't thinking too much with the bump, bump part it's actually suppose to be a heart beat
When it says I can't sleep it actually states when I try to go to sleep something wakes me so I don't know how that's confusing a lot of times when we try to go to sleep we can't because something is bothering us like in this scenario here the his heart beat keeps waking him up