Sometimes God Speaks To Me

[RiverNotch]

Sometimes God Speaks to Me


when I see someone I used to love—

or a ladybug lands on my hand
or a sparrow knocks at my window
or I see rainbow beyond the highway—

Not Joan of Arc in a literal sense,
but flames.

I absolutely love the brutality of cutting away more than half of the piece. The original had a very weak ending, and I sort of agree that the original's greatest merit was the Dickensonian nature-imagery of the current center strophe, but the fact that you've distilled it to (mostly) the Dickensonian nature-imagery makes the piece a mere shadow rather than something that attempts to be original. Not bad, per se -- in fact, I enjoy this quite a lot, especially the fire of the last stanza (and I am in favor of keeping "in a literal sense", as it emphasizes the brutal turn to the next line) -- but not anything particular. Maybe reincorporate some of the original's first-stanza-details, just to make the whole shine a bit more? But otherwise, enjoyed.

Sometimes God Speaks to Me

Not in a Joan of Arc literal sense,
but when I am in the midst of
30 year old memories from fifth grade
and wondering why I was so afraid
to die back then—
or when I am trudging along my day
wishing I had enough time to do
what I wanted as well as what I needed—
and when my ears turn red
and when I catch my tears with my cheeks
and when I see someone I used to love—

a ladybug lands in front of my hand or
a sparrow flits at my window or
a rainbow appears beyond the highway—

and I am reminded to smile.