Version 3: You & I

[ClaireLou]

Thank you.  I have made both amendments as recommended as I think they fit great.  

When I wrote it, I initially used the term "Seeped" as it is wrapped around the heart & although we do not share blood, we share so many words & emotions written together that the ink overflows.  I like "Steeped" though as an alternative as it represents "History" as in "Steeped in History" .... which probably works better & can be understood more easily.

I really like the edit, you have a keeper here, I think the poem is clearer and it gave me that strong sense of a long true friendship and all the truck that is carried with that. I think the opening could be a little stronger, something that grabs the attention more but I dont have much to offer. The ending however I felt was spot on. Nice job, some comment below. Keith

You make me smile,
everyday, if just for a moment. (This is the real basis of the poem and the essence of what a friend should be, it just doesnt grab me but the only thing I could suggest would be to invert the line)

Everyday, if just for a moment,
you make me smile.

Not friends, sisters,
not of blood, of heart,
wrapped in blotting paper,
seeped in ink. (would steeped be more appropriate here? it could just be me)

We may be older
but we have fought pirates,
buried treasure,
believed in fairies. (soild stanza, it sets the time line and shows how close they are)

Our secrets sealed in a box
at the bottom of the garden,
silent, safe. (this covers trust and well, stuff you may have actually buried in the garden. I like this, a lot)

I remember
each tear shed,
a stream forever
surging through my veins. (Delightfull ending, no matter what happens well stay friend)