Sometimes God Speaks To Me

[alonso ramoran]

I see you decided to cut a good chunk of the material you've originally wrote. Imo, the negatives of this revision outweighs the positives. I'll explain below

First revision I'm confused on why the capitalization of letters are inconsistent. Like in L1 "when" is lowercased, but in L5 "not" is spelled with a capital N. Also this version of the poem seems like one long drawn-out sentence that doesn't even sound complete, which disappointingly makes for a taxing read.

Sometimes God Speaks to Me


when I see someone I used to love—

or a ladybug lands on my hand this line sounds better than the original.
or a sparrow knocks at my window comparing this to the original sparrow line, it sounds like the bird has injured itself on your window, which I don't think matches that theme of being cheered up throughout the day by trivial things. In fact, this line kind of makes me chuckle because if I'm to refer back to the title "Sometimes God Speaks to Me", it does sounds like God is speaking to me, but he would be saying he hates me by having a bird fly into my window.
or I see rainbow beyond the highway— sounds better than the original.

Not Joan of Arc in a literal sense,
but flames. 

I get that you were probably trying to make this a tighter work, but I feel it came at the expense of quality.

~~~

Original

Sometimes God Speaks to Me

Not in a Joan of Arc literal sense, I feel as if you could start stronger here. I get that you're expanding o the thought of the title, but it's still missing something. "30 year old.... die back then" sounded like some pretty interesting lines. Maybe you could bump these thoughts a line or two up?
but when I am in the midst of
30 year old memories from fifth grade
and wondering why I was so afraid
to die back then—
or when I am trudging along my day
wishing I had enough time to do
what I wanted as well as what I needed— I can relate to this.
and when my ears turn red
and when I catch my tears with my cheeks
and when I see someone I used to love—

a ladybug lands in front of my hand or
a sparrow flits at my window or
a rainbow appears beyond the highway—

and I am reminded to smile. Heartwarming end.

Hope you end up with the poem you see fit! Cheers