10-02-2017, 05:30 PM
hi,
My biggest problem with this is really that you start with a statement: " man spits on the cringing world"
This seems to me that it should be the last verse after a forceful argument, and not the other way around, and it should therefore be the last verse.
From this, "this is the truth and don't dare to disagree with me" statement, I found it very difficult to go further without bracing myself against what is stated as what I better agree with; the use of "spit", which I take as intentionally demeaning, only adds to this feeling.
In other words, (and I have to confess this is a very traditionalist view of it), you kind of start with a statement assuring that no reader daring to disagree will go any further. It is a shame because the imagery can be forceful in such a short piece (his mother made him) and thought-provoking (answers he already knows)
My biggest problem with this is really that you start with a statement: " man spits on the cringing world"
This seems to me that it should be the last verse after a forceful argument, and not the other way around, and it should therefore be the last verse.
From this, "this is the truth and don't dare to disagree with me" statement, I found it very difficult to go further without bracing myself against what is stated as what I better agree with; the use of "spit", which I take as intentionally demeaning, only adds to this feeling.
In other words, (and I have to confess this is a very traditionalist view of it), you kind of start with a statement assuring that no reader daring to disagree will go any further. It is a shame because the imagery can be forceful in such a short piece (his mother made him) and thought-provoking (answers he already knows)
Huckleberry