Version 2: The Need for Sleep

[billy]

hi claire;

the read has a rap feel to it and the cadence works well enough. it feels as if you use line breaks instead of punctuation, for me in this poem it doesn't work well enough, specially with all caps.

while i can't lie [i did enjoy it] it does read like a fluff poem, it has little depth. who say purple is for the young? it feels you use that line to hang the poem on, in truth it or a version of it would have made a good 1st line with the explanation below it.

Tired of getting old
Of being told
That age is just in your mind
Defined
By a constant need for sleep
Naps crying out to be taken
So as to try to reawaken the juxtaposition between this line and the one below feels weak
That lust for life that get up & go
To show
That really maybe possibly it is all but a number
A number to a page that we are yet to write
As we fight
To carry on with each brand new day
And stay away
From those who say that purple is just for the young