09-24-2017, 08:21 AM
"A need for sleep" could be interpreted as death, which is the vibe I got from your writing.
I thought it was gonna be about napping lol, but you were focused on age
for some reason I feel as though the message was sleep is inevitable, and its justified for people who are tired of life.
As for a critique, I'm simply going to say its superficial. It seems like you're trying to write poetry rather than letting it flow naturally. I got that sense from the way you worded endings, and single words for a line.
I feel like your typography isn't suited enough for what you're implying.
I thought it was gonna be about napping lol, but you were focused on age
for some reason I feel as though the message was sleep is inevitable, and its justified for people who are tired of life.
As for a critique, I'm simply going to say its superficial. It seems like you're trying to write poetry rather than letting it flow naturally. I got that sense from the way you worded endings, and single words for a line.
I feel like your typography isn't suited enough for what you're implying.
assholery not intended .