Version 2: Flying High

[alonso ramoran]

What the hell! This is a pretty strong intro, immediately grabs me.
Write something meaningful?
All words mean something, don’t they? 
 
Or are they simply plucked from our minds
a gibberish jumble of phrases  looking to be introduced I like the alliteration in this line, but I'm feeling as if the line needs to be split in two. It carries on a bit too long for me.
to the Oxford ideal?

If others perceive my words
as riding on the back of a turtle 
whilst the rain surges towards the Sun 
and snow covers the ground,
do I really care? Loving the whimsicality of this stanza.

I like cheesy rhymes with no distinct voice,
that offer choice, a rhythmic election
as to which direction
the readers imagination chooses to take flight. 
 
I like people not afraid to disagree,
Those you see standing together, 
forever circling the roundabout of hate
in a never ending circuit of broken dreams.. Why the ellipsis?
 
Why must we all be that person 
who thinks, writes, believes the obvious? 
True, chocolate may mostly be sweet but
it is also bitter.
We can all fly like pancakes
on our way to someone’s plate. 


---

What the hell!
Write something meaningful?
All words mean something, dont they?

Or are they simply plucked from our mind,
A gibberish jumble of phrases
Looking to be introduced 
To the Oxford ideal.

If others perceive my words
To be riding on the back of a turtle
Whilst the rain flows towards the Sun
And snow covers the ground,
Do I really care?

I like cheesy rhymes with no distinct voice,
That offer choice, a rhythmic election
As to which direction
The readers imagination chooses to take flight.

I like people not afraid to disagree,
Those that see that standing together, 
Forever following the roundabout of hate
Whilst their hearts continue to be broken.

Why must we all be that person 
Who thinks, writes, believes in the obvious.
Chocolate may mostly be sweet but
It can also be bitter.
We can all fly like pancakes
On our way to someones plate.

This was a pretty fun read. I read your response to one of the member's critiques about the pancakes bit and I agree with you BUT the poem gets pretty whimsical in some places for me to consider the realistic scenario of pancakes landing on a plate, and how it could be a mess; it's also the way it's worded, with pancakes "flying". I like the sentiments behind the ending, but I think it could be expressed just a tad bit better. Pretty solid poem though, thank you for the read.