Knock, knock.

[Richard]

Hey Jack,
I'm pretty much as anti-rhyming as anyone you're going to find, so I'll restrain from commenting on the rhyming. I found that this poem had nice flow to it, and felt like something that needed to be performed. Perhaps it might even be fun to toy around with as a slam poem, but I'm hardly an expert at the type of poetry. I'll go into some more detail below:

My second offering here.  

I know there are few fans of the rhyme here, but I find it fun and challenging.

This ones supposed to be light-hearted.  




Knock, knock.
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? -The first three lines reminded me of the start of a knock, knock joke. I just wish you would have played with that idea more and added more wording from that type of joke.
Why, it’s a beauty of a maiden with perfumed hair. -Why is her hair perfumed? To me, it seems like a trivial detail. I would suggest dropping "perfumed" from this line.
It’s best we take her in as it’s so cold out there.
Invite her to toast her chilly derriere.
I just might take it from there.
 
Hey there,
Young thing.
I just adore the hand that comes without a ring. -I get what you mean here. It just makes me wonder if her other hand has a ring.
You must be the damsel who's surrendering.
Follow me for dancing where the crickets all sing. -I like the image in this line. I just have no idea what it means.
And I just might take it from there. -This line gets repeated a bit throughout the poem. I feel like you need to add something to this line to give it more punch if it's going to be repeated.
 
 
I insist you needn’t bother with the tales from your father,
I’m a nice guy. -These two lines are my favorite in the poem. They're worded in a way that creates an interesting image.
 
But you are such a cutie that it’s practically my duty,
To beg for a lullaby. -I don't understand why the speaker is begging for a lullaby. May be I'm missing something. It wouldn't be the first time.
 
What’s up?
Buttercup.
We need to play doctor; you are burning up.
The wisest move is a complete checkup.
Deposit all your troubles in this Dixie cup. -For some reason, I find this line incredibly dirty. May be that's just my sense of humor showing.  I do like this line, and the whole playing doctor imagery works with the tone of your poem.
And I just might take it from there.

Overall, I think you have a start here. It feels to me like there's more you could say here, and I would be interested to read it.

Keep writing,
Richard