09-16-2017, 05:40 AM
Hey there,
I quite like the short follow up lines; yes they read like a rap, but rap - for me at least, is just another form of poetry. I like when poems mix up the tempo, and your poem does just that.
The only problem I have is with the title. It just doesn't seem appropriate when juxtaposed with the content of the poem. I think that the title should tie in with the conclusion of the poem - it should be 'age' related. But hey I'm no pro, I've only become a fan of poetry as of recent! So correct me if I'm wrong.
I quite like the short follow up lines; yes they read like a rap, but rap - for me at least, is just another form of poetry. I like when poems mix up the tempo, and your poem does just that.
The only problem I have is with the title. It just doesn't seem appropriate when juxtaposed with the content of the poem. I think that the title should tie in with the conclusion of the poem - it should be 'age' related. But hey I'm no pro, I've only become a fan of poetry as of recent! So correct me if I'm wrong.