09-15-2017, 07:34 PM
Hi, welcome to the site, looking forward to sharing some more of your poetry.
Personally I like cliches & poetry that rhymes, although if I'm to be honest it does have a tendency not to be overly popular, I will draw upon it if it fits, as I don't think its a huge faux pas if done correctly. However, I would probably try not to include too many Cliches or any within the first verse as this is what draws people into the poem initially & you want the words used in this area to be from your own heart not that of others.
Overall though to me a poem needs to try to ensure that the people reading it can see what you want them to see using your words to give it imagery, movement & life.
With your poem I like the overall idea but feel that you need to go deeper with it, try to imagine yourself lying on a bank, looking up at the stars:
What do you see?
How do you feel?
What is your heart telling you?
Then go from there.
Personally I like cliches & poetry that rhymes, although if I'm to be honest it does have a tendency not to be overly popular, I will draw upon it if it fits, as I don't think its a huge faux pas if done correctly. However, I would probably try not to include too many Cliches or any within the first verse as this is what draws people into the poem initially & you want the words used in this area to be from your own heart not that of others.
Overall though to me a poem needs to try to ensure that the people reading it can see what you want them to see using your words to give it imagery, movement & life.
With your poem I like the overall idea but feel that you need to go deeper with it, try to imagine yourself lying on a bank, looking up at the stars:
What do you see?
How do you feel?
What is your heart telling you?
Then go from there.