bleak

[billy]

while it seems to reads fairly well, it gives the reader little to think about. there are too many what, and why questions that need showing. the last stanza on it's own works to a point yet as is, it feels tacked on to finish the poem. the poem needs a focal point the reader can fix on. so far all i see that's bleak is the title. it needs the poem attaching to it.

There are tumults in the ocean,
but the ship must sail,
it cannot sink.

I must reach the port,
I cannot sleep,
not a wink.

when times are hard
and light is bleak,
sea is the paper,
and tears are ink.