09-08-2017, 04:45 PM
For me the poem is trying too hard and reads as bland in too many parts. this is the "creator" that's being spoke of, he needs to be seen. there needs to be less on the idea of god and more images of him. he needs to be made human in order for us to see him as god. [just my opinion probably] the first stanza feels weak as does the 2nd and others.
He soothes tormented ears
in auditions of sparrow,
cricket & frog;
build on images like the one above. possibly give more depth to what you've already written.
god poems like love poems generally need to be very good and very original to pass the tiniest of scrutiny. they need to hold the reader.
He soothes tormented ears
in auditions of sparrow,
cricket & frog;
build on images like the one above. possibly give more depth to what you've already written.
god poems like love poems generally need to be very good and very original to pass the tiniest of scrutiny. they need to hold the reader.
(08-15-2017, 10:57 AM)nibbed Wrote: 2nd revision w/title change
The Contentment of His Creation the title is much better and lends one to instantly know what type of poem it will be.
He sends comfort why and what for?
during lonely tribulation, what tribulations, show some?
distractions: what distractions. give us an image.
His powerful billows
gently dab the firmaments,
forming whimsy caricature;
He waves mystery's handiwork,
displays feathers & frond.
His angels stand cornered
offering wind
only at His direction
teasing hints, done
in fragrant wildflower.
He soothes tormented ears
in auditions of sparrow,
cricket & frog;
boasting His pure galleries
in precious, brilliant, song.