Version 2: The Need for Sleep

[Richard]

Hey ClaireLou,
Welcome to the site  

I like the main idea in this poem. I do have some thoughts though:

Tired of getting old 
Of being told
That age is just in your mind
Defined -Personally, I don't think this word deserves to be its own line. I say this because it seems to me it's there just to fulfill the rhyme.
By a constant need for sleep
Naps crying out to be taken -I like the imagery here. It creates a wonderful image in my mind.
So as to try to reawaken
That lust for life that get up & go
To show
That really maybe possibly it is all but a number
A number to a page that we are yet to write -I like this metaphor. It also starts to give some hope, which is nice.
As we fight 
To carry on with each brand new day
And stay away
From those who say that purple is just for the young -I saw in your comment that this alludes to another poem. The question you have to ask yourself is if you want to stick with the allusion or rework this so it's clearer for more readers. That's a struggle I've dealt with in some of my poetry, so I don't really have much of an answer. I think it is important that you are aware of it though.

A note on the rhyming, usually shorter rhyming lines are associated with nursery rhymes and comedic poetry. However, like Todd pointed out in his critique, this poem does have a flow to it. I find this almost reads like slam poetry, but I'm hardly an expert at that kind of poetry, so I could be wrong. I look forward to seeing where you go with this poem.

Keep writing,
Richard