Version 2: The Need for Sleep

[Todd]

Hi Claire,

A couple of thoughts for you on this. I'm not sold on the title. Given that you almost repeat it in line 5, I feel that there's probably something more interesting that hits the topic or theme at a slant that can draw readers in.

There are plenty of people on the site that will probably comment on the choices you've made with form, where you've chosen to and not to rhyme. I read this out loud a few times and enjoyed the cadence. I was expecting that what is largely rhyming couplets to be boring and predictable. Turns out, this doesn't feel forced to me. I especially liked your use of reawaken on the break on line 7. Nice dual use of the word on 7 and 8. I also liked your choice of really, maybe, possibly as if the speaker is struggling to convince themselves. I also appreciated the surprise of the last line, the quirkiness of it, and the reason for the observation. A possible title from the last line (though you don't specify the garment) might be "Too Old for Yoga Pants"{ (? optional).

One option to consider in selling the last line more (make it pop more) is to expand the length, make it a bit more hyperbolic in its defense of age as a number, and then do a stanza break after "and stay away" (once you wind around back to it) and let a line of white space set off your final line.

Just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd

Tired of getting old 
Of being told
That age is just in your mind
Defined
By a constant need for sleep
Naps crying out to be taken
So as to try to reawaken
That lust for life that get up & go
To show
That really maybe possibly it is all but a number
A number to a page that we are yet to write
As we fight 
To carry on with each brand new day
And stay away
From those who say that purple is just for the young