Self-Shadowed

[dukealien]

Self-Shadowed


Descending lamp-lit flagstone steps
on starry nights one stumbles, fearful,
blinded by the drape of one’s own shadow.

Written some time ago, just found in a notebook.

The p.s. ruined it for me. It wasn't detached enough from the rest of the work that I would read it as something outside of the work, so I opened it thinking it had purpose. It's not like "previous versions", where I immediately expect the spoilered to be outside the work --- which gets me thinking....

At any rate, it's solid. I don't quite agree with flagstone -- the word's too flat for me -- nor drape, which is a cloth-like interjection into something otherwise straightforward, but those are practical(ly) non-issues.

That said, I do feel like "fearful" points to something that, at least for a speaker of a more nervous disposition, should be more dynamic. Ever had that feeling when you've just gone downstairs for a piss, it's the middle of the night, all the lights are off, and when you've done your business you rush back to your room, heart palpitating, then slam the door shut, as if something hungry in the hallway had just about reached you?

No, but now, being of a certain age, I worry quite a bit that the next time is going to be even *more* difficult.

Thanks for read & crit.