(Sexual Assault) Wilted Rose Revived: A Spoken Word Poem

[B.nicole]

I like the rhyming, it helps to remember what to say next

Eyes heavy, body trembling, nightmares vast. 
She's harassed by the forecast of the past. I really like your rhyme positioning throughout, I'd cut forecast here, harassed by her past even flows
Demons disguised in the form of lovers 
Until she discovered their true colors. 
She was used and abused, 
Even though she refused. 
Thinking about the past has come back to haunt her.  Because of past earlier, I'd change this one to like'thinking how history comes back to haunt her' or something
In a blur she's transferred back to where the pain occurred. I'd cut the word 'back' 
Body and mind matured before her years. 
He smears his body on hers as if the message wasn't clear. 
Frozen in fear, out flows the tears. 
Drained, pinned down,
Her expression blank now, hoping for a way out. 
But her pleading is to no avail. 
Face pale, body frail. 
If her life is Hell
Then damn she wears it so well. You don't need this line, wears it well in the flow changes the mood and takes away from intensity 
Her tears like cold diamonds on her face,
Wishing she could erase every embrace. 
And he'll never admit to his evil. 
He'll blame it on her intelligence and beauty being lethal. 
She relives this moment on the circuit of her brain,
Detained by her pain. 
Eyes heavy, body trembling, nightmares vast. Nice comeback
Chilling cold shivers cast 
Over her like frost on a winter rose. 
And as she sits frozen the pain grows. I'd change this line because of 'frozen in fear' earlier
Thoughts screaming, head spinning, spiraling. 
Emotions keep piling. I like this rhyme
Lurking in the shadows is the demon of her past, again past too many past
Back to cause havoc and break her at last. 
But then she sees it clearer,
it's just her standing in the mirror. 
Her past has passed oh my though the memories are very present. 
She'll one day embody the essence
Of creating a new blessing from past unpleasant lessons. 
Through the tribulations and trials, the lows and highs
Again she will rise. This line might some it up too nicely


This spoken word poem is about a sexual assault and the woman having panic attacks while she thinks back about the horrible experience. She doesn't know it at the point in time she is currently in, but one day she will rise above it and overcome both her anxiety and the assault. I'm new to writing and appreciate any feedback. Thank you. Keep writing!

I agree with the changing the second "past" to "history", omitting "back", as well as changing the second "frozen" to "petrified" instead. I don't know if I should rewrite the line completely or not, I'll have to read it over a few times. I purposely ran with the repetitiveness of "demon of her past" and "the past has passed" as in spoken word I thought it flows, but if it doesn't then I will absolutely change it. The last line is a nod to Maya Angelou. The poem is about me and I have "still I rise" tattooed. It's always been a favorite of mine. But if it doesn't fit into the poem nicely I could definitely change it. Thank you very much for the feedback! I greatly appreciate it!