08-07-2017, 07:03 AM
Mantis,
I enjoyed the vivd languange of this poem. I felt I could picture your thoughts very clearly, which really grabbed my attention. Your choice of meter reminded me a bit of a nursery rhyme and I found it an intriguing way to write about a situation. Occassionally, your choice of words sounded off to me, like the line ending in "soul". Some of your lines started strong but ended up falling flat. I would maybe rethink some of your wording to give this more of a sense of urgency.
I enjoyed the vivd languange of this poem. I felt I could picture your thoughts very clearly, which really grabbed my attention. Your choice of meter reminded me a bit of a nursery rhyme and I found it an intriguing way to write about a situation. Occassionally, your choice of words sounded off to me, like the line ending in "soul". Some of your lines started strong but ended up falling flat. I would maybe rethink some of your wording to give this more of a sense of urgency.