The sky, the birds, the treetops,
demand musical applause.
I feel an urge to please them,
a whistle stirs my soul.
the above stanza has a lot going for it, in fact it's bloody good. though not keen on soul; it does work. what lets the bones of a good poem down are all the cliched and well used phrases.
just to point out a few, there's a lot more:
I dare not blink
I wish my heart'd stop pounding.
I might as well die trying.
try and make each line as original as you can, if you write something that looks familiar to you when you come to edit, the odds are it's a cliche and already worn out.
demand musical applause.
I feel an urge to please them,
a whistle stirs my soul.
the above stanza has a lot going for it, in fact it's bloody good. though not keen on soul; it does work. what lets the bones of a good poem down are all the cliched and well used phrases.
just to point out a few, there's a lot more:
I dare not blink
I wish my heart'd stop pounding.
I might as well die trying.
try and make each line as original as you can, if you write something that looks familiar to you when you come to edit, the odds are it's a cliche and already worn out.