08-04-2017, 02:44 AM
I read up on the Maltese Falcon's shmoop page and got a lot more out of this afterwards.
I like it a lot, even without!
To me the "such stuff / as dreams are made on" sounds awkward too. Maybe because the rest of the poem doesn't really use that kind of language. Could just say "searching for the stuff / that dreams are made on"...although I wonder why not "made of"? Maybe because referring to the treasure, heh.
I would also take out the "and" and just have "nightmares, plaster stones / my partner's corpse". You already have a line break there, so the connector isn't really necessary.
Overall, nice work! Nice mood and tone to it, too.
I like it a lot, even without!
To me the "such stuff / as dreams are made on" sounds awkward too. Maybe because the rest of the poem doesn't really use that kind of language. Could just say "searching for the stuff / that dreams are made on"...although I wonder why not "made of"? Maybe because referring to the treasure, heh.
I would also take out the "and" and just have "nightmares, plaster stones / my partner's corpse". You already have a line break there, so the connector isn't really necessary.
Overall, nice work! Nice mood and tone to it, too.