The Gospel According to George Romero (Revision)

[Todd]

This is very effective - sympathy engendered by a thoughtful buildup.

Structurally, the first part (before "[W]hen we eat")  consists of short (staggering?) lines reminiscent of the zombie gait.  The second part is grammatically more complex, establishing the sympathetic connection with the reader.  Has the speaker just dined, to be able to assemble it?

Suggestions for improvement are few.   Using a simple rule of thumb (as, with zombies, "Fire works!"),  instances of "the" could be removed without loss of clarity (though they do help the first part shamble).  The only ones that have to remain are "No one sleeps/the long night" and Line 2, though substituting "our" or the like could eliminate one.

Placing "we were. Like you," on one line is well done.

The speaker of course mischaracterizes the (conventionally) living, who look forward.  This is our tragedy; perhaps that could be alluded to, though it's a complex thought for the speaker.  Their virus leaves the undead only the past (and not their own), if that, and their hunger.  Their tragedy is that they can't even thank us for burning them to ash.

Political metaphors come to mind, but are not called for.  ("Swamp Thing" would be more like it    .)

In short, it's moving and could be made slightly more so.  Good read!

Thank you for the critique and the time you spent with it. I'll look at some of the "the" issue and see what I can do about them. I liked that you sympathized with the zombies. I also liked the thoughts around looking forward vs looking back. I can see your perspective and how it holds together. I was thinking about something slightly different in my wording. The humans literally look back at the zombies pursuing them (horror movie trope). The zombies look back figuratively at who they were with loss and regret. That said, you've given me some things to think about. I do appreciate it.

Best,

Todd