thinking of vincent

[just mercedes]

I think it'd sound better as "full of dying / stars"

Ah, but it's not only the stars that are dying - the narrator is as well - so is every reader 

Are you saying I'm not a star!?! At the very least, Vincent is/was. I like Achebe's idea, the line break after dying would be nice.

It's a very nice piece either way, though.

Of course you are a star - like a little candle, burning in the night ...

I love that about poetry - the differing views available. Your way certainly changes the 'ku.