Ok, Sylvester, I'm Your Penelope

[Keith]

Hi Solstice
I realy enjoyed the poem. Great title lets us know where we are. You have a freshness about this piece that presents itself well offering new light through old windows, afterall break up is a well covered topic. Nice job. Best Keith

I was sitting with her, towards the left of the rooftop doorway, 
backs to the ledge, and she began to scream at me, 
she pushed me to topple her over the wall, 
and onto the mattresses below, that were stacked two high,
below the four story building's height. I like the break up metaphor of throwing her off the roof to a soft landing the stanza could do with a trim, adjusting to remove the fill words


Like a lady bug, she floated down to lie on her back, 
as they do in grasses, when they look like they’ve passed away. 
she was very upset with me,
with her sloppily arranged gibson girl hair. this is again nice use of a simarly within the metaphor and the details of stanza tells the reader that the N still loves the girl

She landed, like a pebble, on her floral pattern softness,  ok its a slow fall but a lovely image all the same
stood and shouted, "Where is my castle?!" 
stomped up her own stone steps, and to her door, 
she hated her room, and I laughed on the roof, 
she shouted at her newly thieved, but still placed paintings of hers, 
she didn’t like her things owning her, and she made little quarter turns,
and peered through her apartment, well described temper tantrum and her pushing him away, you have some great images here and I particularly enjoyed the stone steps.

She made fun of me inside, for pushing a girl as pretty as her,
And we fought over a mostly silent coffee and reading,
And at the art show, where she studied,
And at the pizza place, with her flat billed hat on,
And, as she’s making quite clear,  all the ands dont work for me this stanza need work since this is the actual breaking up

when I make fun of her, 
by sticking metaphors in emails, 
right where she’s knows to look for my nudges of questions, 
without question marks, so I can ask advice on my work, 
because she knows that I can’t go in her apartment anymore.

I liked her things too much.  lovely line that works hard to give the reader information...he still loves her

and she took pictures, 
of her newly re-invented self, down in LA, with my favorite faces on,
on her new queen sized bed, in her flat, in the hills.

and a video of her after she had been crying, I like these images social media springs to mind and the offer hope that she still loves the N.


Glancing, as she does, to the left, with eyes buggy to tell me, 

you left me, now go, just go… go. great ending bringing everything into perspective.