07-08-2017, 10:04 AM
Really liking this
(07-02-2017, 12:23 AM)Keith Wrote: The kitchen was always in winter—its pantry cold setupThis was a very trippy read, I like the twists on tone, and then surprise spell. I wonder your inspiration for it,
full of shadows, odours washed in damp soil
and bagged in the fields, picked-at, even bagged matched odors and pantry
white boned carcasses draped I can smell rancid but think kitchen future awesome
in tea towels set aside to rest. I kept reading sea towel
Thin air wafted a sweetness that drizzled
on cooling cakes and offered uptotally different tone to the kitchen, from carcasses to cakes
a promise of fresh buttered bread. An offering, I like your word choices
The worn down work tops cut away to hands what's a work top, like tea towel I couldn't just grab it, but I like worn and work, and down and top, hands usually cut, but you wrote it backwards, cut away to, craziness
that rolled out pastry, and set liquid jelly followed by rolling and liquid, your word choices are fantastic
outside to cool in the drifting snow. Like in a window or in the snow?
A bottomless Belfast sink bubbled above sink above, bottomless, not sure about Belfast but for the alliteration
a makeshift step, positioned to giggle child-
labour onto chores. Giggling child labor? The tone is just changing
Its walls gleamed with fired green tiles crafted
flat, almost without seams. Stood in the doorway are tiles usually flat?
between two poems, a child looked along their why poems? The setting is gone, I was in a kitchen, now I picture a hallway, or cupboard
mirrored finish, cast a spell—one arm one leg, love this line.
the words said, his body lifted off the ground.one arm? One leg?
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches

