07-04-2017, 07:53 AM
very enjoyable, especially:
"For people who came to me, with writing demands,
I took to very long sleeves, and pretended I had no hands."
and
"Surprised, I looked around,
or, was it the world that spun?
When I wasn't looking,
something must have been cooking,
for everything I knew, had packed up and run!"
for some reason i really like how you mention you're not sure if it was you that spun around or the Earth "When I wasn't looking". it adds to the zany idea of Oh God My Words Are Running Away. i really like the story behind it but i think a little rework here and there to help rhythm and rhyme would be beneficial. sort of like how:
"Except for one...
it was trying to run,
but was managing, just barely so.
The word was “slow”."
the first two lines 'work' in rhythm but the last two are a little awkward due to the length of the third line. it's just about rewording and restructuring certain sentences.
"For people who came to me, with writing demands,
I took to very long sleeves, and pretended I had no hands."
and
"Surprised, I looked around,
or, was it the world that spun?
When I wasn't looking,
something must have been cooking,
for everything I knew, had packed up and run!"
for some reason i really like how you mention you're not sure if it was you that spun around or the Earth "When I wasn't looking". it adds to the zany idea of Oh God My Words Are Running Away. i really like the story behind it but i think a little rework here and there to help rhythm and rhyme would be beneficial. sort of like how:
"Except for one...
it was trying to run,
but was managing, just barely so.
The word was “slow”."
the first two lines 'work' in rhythm but the last two are a little awkward due to the length of the third line. it's just about rewording and restructuring certain sentences.