I am with “slow”

[theyellowfog]

I enjoyed your poem! In the first stanza, I noticed that I think "will jump off the page" should perhaps be "would jump off the page" instead. I wonder what would happen if you released yourself from having to rhyme the end of your lines and you wrote in a more free form instead, because you have a lot of creativity here. Also, sometimes the message becomes unclear to me. For example, tying into both the rhyming and the message/imagery being unclear to me, when you rhyme "knew it" and "blew it": I think there are better word choices that could explain what is going on here. On a quick read, it gets confusing saying your words "blew it," even though going back and reading it comes to make sense; however, it feels like the word choice was just to rhyme it together, and I got distracted by that. I think also that even though you meant that your words failed in a sense ("blew it"), that you could rework the poem to be stronger in these instances if you want to keep the rhyming if you look for different, stronger word choices that make more sense instead. That's just one example. Also, before and after the stanza with the word "slow," it seems like two different poems, so I got kind of lost. I had to re-read it a few times so that the message and imagery was clear to me. I think both parts are necessary, but needs to be reworked to be more cohesive as one. I think you have a great poem here, but I think it just needs a little reworking. I can definitely relate to the message. Keep writing.