07-02-2017, 07:54 PM
Hi,
What really attracted me to read your poem, was its really nice title, congratulations on that!
I love how you have simplified a constant process that living beings are a part of: perceiving things around them, trying to acquire them and then judging whether that new acquisition makes them any more complete. And the two units that a play a part in this process, the mechanical mind and the flowy heart are also nicely represented, and I like their interaction.
In criticism, I would say that I had to read the poem multiple times, because, to me, it seemed to lack a cadance, that would have helped me understand it much better. That is, when I tried to read it in my mind, I couldn't catch hold of an obvious rhythm, which I would have found useful.
What really attracted me to read your poem, was its really nice title, congratulations on that!
I love how you have simplified a constant process that living beings are a part of: perceiving things around them, trying to acquire them and then judging whether that new acquisition makes them any more complete. And the two units that a play a part in this process, the mechanical mind and the flowy heart are also nicely represented, and I like their interaction.
In criticism, I would say that I had to read the poem multiple times, because, to me, it seemed to lack a cadance, that would have helped me understand it much better. That is, when I tried to read it in my mind, I couldn't catch hold of an obvious rhythm, which I would have found useful.