Tradition

[FP123]

Greetings. First crit, to see what I see.

Cheers,

Frank

I

We’ve killed tradition;
sliced open its throat
Made murder a virtue
And dignity a sin
Made colors turn blind
music deaf
literature mute
and the canvas blank
My heart lost rhythm - Seems to be a tense? issue here - from 'have killed' to 'has lost' - as I read it, at least.
And my speech lost rhyme
My thoughts have derailed - Same here from has to have. It's not that it doesn't work, but it doesn't sit within the continuity - maybe needs stanza breaks for tense changes.
And my senses had dulled - and here, a 'had'. Different again.
for my ears refuse to hear
That we murdered tradition
 
II
 
There lays a body
A stiffened corpse
With lifeless eyes
Akin to that of a fish
Marked like cattle
A card sticking out
Under his left lobe
Labeled “Tradition”
And “Long overdue”