Edit 1: Psychotherapy

[billy]

hi cat.

you almost have a sonnet at work though the meter needs some tender love if that was the aim. i do think you could cut it down to iambic pentameter without much trouble should you wish. personally i'd liked to see it have more punch and less verbiage. i've shown a couple of lines where words are removed [nothing added] to give you some idea of what i'm saying. if needed change out a big word for a shorter one. my last point, is it the therapists son? the last line indicates it to be. i know it's supposed to be the interaction between doc and patient and as it is the reader does see that's so. i think that's the main prob for me, it's too much like an inerview than a poem about an interview.

Dear patient, welcome to the asylum of your mind. is [of your mind] too obvious, can it be removed and by doing so would it strengthen that first line?
Let’s rid you of those boundaries to which you’re confined.
But first, please sit down and let’s discuss your medical record.
Let’s see: Schizophrenic disorders, Anxiety and hemorrhages,
all documented in one-hundred-and-forty-nine pages.
There are so many treatments we haven’t yet explored.
 
Here it says that you feel like you’re in constant company,
the medical staff did tell me about your constant soliloquy.
May i ask, do you feel a presence around you, spectating?
And regarding those voices you hear; do they advise or are they debating?
When was it that you turned your monologue into dialogue?
Is it to your sister, or your parents to who you constantly talk?
 
Son, why won’t you leave the dead behind?
Within the asylum of your mind?