The Prometheus Man

[Chorus]

The new title makes this one more interesting and part of a compelling broader narrative. I like it a lot.

Once, -- I don't think you need both "once" and "a day" -- it's redundant.
Angels left heaven for a day  -- "left" is a little weak. I'd search for a more interesting word.
And blazed through the skies -- I like "blazed"
Like golden meteors 
Leaving contrails of stardust -- fabulous line
In their wake -- you don't need this. Contrails are the wake of planes/rockets by definition. Plus, if you cut it, then you can end on the stardust line, which is really strong.


Oh, how I spite those glittering roads -- nice
For yanking at my chains -- I'm torn about this one. It's a cliche, and a cliched one at that. But, Prometheus was chained, so.... Maybe the chains could burn or something.
And how I turn green
At the sight of seagulls -- good sonics with green/sight of seagulls. A satisfying ending.

You can drop the capitalization at the beginning of the lines. It's not needed.

I enjoyed it and look forward to where you take it with the edit.

Lizzie

I like beginning the poem with "Once" because it sounds like a fairytale, similar to the fantasy/mystical elements of angels actually showing themselves to humans and leaving long tails of a sparkling substance across the sky.

"Left" might be a little weak, but the purpose of the poem isn't to focus on the angels or why they left heaven, it's what happened to this guy after they did. I don't even have a reason in my head as to why they left. If I think of something which contributes to the meaning of the poem, I'll add it.

I agree that "In their wake" is pointless. I'll try to find either something which suits the poem more, or rearrange the structure of the poem so I can end with contrails of stardust.

I'm very disappointed that "yanking my chains" is so cliche, because I think it fits well here. Especially when this person is being compared to Prometheus, one of the founders of the chain cliche. I think a solution to this is replacing the word "yanking" with something else. (I'm pretty sure "Quit yanking my chain" is an expression anyways, so that desperately needs to be changed). 

Thank you for the feedback.

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On the edit, the title change did a good job of clarifying the setting and what's at stake. I can accept being unnerved by the seagull being reminded of the eagle and the nearly endless torment.

A couple things to think about though so Prometheus made a gift to man, and by naming the poem, "The Prometheus Man" is man then the source of their own freedom and enlightenment? Who then has chained this man (or all mankind) in punishment for leaving behind other beliefs? The angels also seem a bit out of place as they seem more judeo christian and less greek. It still works as a metaphor but feels slightly mismatched.

Best,

Todd

Prometheus is not the speaker. I named it "The Prometheus Man" because I saw the situation of the speaker in the poem echo that of Prometheus': trapped. I'm not set on this title, nor does it feel like I'll ever be set on a title, but I hope it's at the very least not as confusing as my last title.

Thanks,

Chorus

Edit: the capitalization is the autocorrect on my phone I'll fix that