At the desk before me

[nibbed]

hi joecary123
interesting poem


See Tilly? he asks.                                            -Is tilly standing at the desk before the speaker?
Star Employee. 
See her eyes
roll                                                                  -would be nice to see this included in the line above
like marbles in a vacuum cleaner,                    -I am picturing marbles in a vacuum cleaner, unless they are ball bearing spinning something useful
spinning their way to a one-off payment.         I just see frenzied marbles flying about ready to bust up an impeller. Not sure this works, but it is
                                                                       an interesting visual.
Tilly don't remember 
the smell of grass between her toes.                -smell?
She spends her lieu in cyberspace,                 
occasionally sighted only by the grace of 
tweets and Ebay receipts.                                -the speaker is obsessed

Tilly don't recall 
the taste of paint along her fingertips,              -taste?
nor the sound of sunshine.                              -sound?
She got no time for the                                    -poor grammar...doesn't match up with "certainly" up ahead
touch
of human eyes, 
and certainly no sight for 
human words.                                                 -makes me wonder about spiritual things

Tilly works,                                                      
he admits with a satiated smirk. 
She can live her life on flex - 
if circumstance allows, o' course.                      -circumstance? the o' course adds enough whimsy, that there's hope for Tilly to have fun.



I am getting from the poem that the person sitting behind the desk, the boss, overseer, maybe even God(?) determines the freedoms and actions allowed for "tilly"? I certainly read a struggle with power and frustration of life. Interesting use of the word "works"...makes me wonder if the poem has more spiritual ideas knitted throughout. Regardless, I feel sorry the subject has found herself in a limited situation. Perhaps I am misinterpreting.

thank you for the opportunity to critique
I hope your evening is full of peace and joy.
janine