Eleutheromania

[Flowerchild1093]

Hello Tiger and thanks for the welcome and comments.   I'm working on making things more accessible for the reader in my work, than just myself. This is something that could take adjusting for me because for years it's only been me reading it! I actually did a full revision today of another poem I posted close to a week ago called "The Door", so I'm hoping for some new feedback on that one as well. Much appreciated! 

Flowerchild

Thanks for the advice Joe and Ella! Everything in the poem relates back to an experience for me, (this is good, but as a poet you need to find a way to share it with your readers without encroaching on your personal boundaries) a little bit like an inside secret, which could be why certain things don't make as much practical sense, and I meant it to be a bit cryptic in that way. ( if it's a secret, doesn't make practical sense and is meant to be cryptic, what's in it for the reader? What distinguishes it from any girl's diary? Sorry if it's too confusing! I'll see what I could do to make it a bit more clear using your notes. And thank you for the tip on editing Ella! I wasn't sure why that happened.

Hello Flowerchild, and welcome to the site. Apologies for responding to your response but I think we've all had to hurdle that cryptic, secret, diary enrty poem writing phase. If you were to change the pronouns from I, me, my, to she and her...how does the poem sound now? Simple things can create a buffer between the narrator and the subject.  - I still make these mistakes. Wanted to help you along with some hard questions. 

Paul