06-22-2017, 03:34 PM
Hi again Flowerchild, and welcome to a fellow "newbie"! I thought this piece was really emotive, and some of your language is really powerful. I've outlined my thoughts below:
There's a lot going on here - thanks for sharing! Would love to know what inspired it.
(06-22-2017, 10:24 AM)Flowerchild1093 Wrote: Waves cascade, blurring into a sea of purple that surrounds me like a tomb. A strong image, which sets the tone for freedom vs death.
A bed full of glitter before my eyes sends my mind into another galaxy, worlds away, my heart's escape.
Precipitation greets my skin like an old friend.
Paint chips are memories that float away like dust on the wind. Again, a mixture between the positive and the old/decaying?
Harsh words pour into my ears like sand through an hourglass; The sensory language here is strong.
filling my head as time dwindles away.
I am as no one passing through to a reservation for pushing daisies. This is the only line I'm not too fond of - feels a bit clunky to me? But just my opinion.
Time stretches on for days like a runaway train.
Regrets consume me like yesterday's scraps; Would the scraps consume? or be consumed?
a thick cloud of angst enters my lungs as they beg for release.
Fear intercepts rationality and it envelopes me inside of itself like a letter to someone long forgotten. Delicious language here!
Familiarity is like a stranger to me as all I have known is a shadow of who I have become.
The burden weighs heavy on my soul as I hear a forlorn melody whispered into my lips;
"Come out and play," coax the ghosts of my past.
My insecurities faltering, whisking me away into another life.
On the other side of the sheets I am as I was, once.
My heart gives way to despair.
Did I really know all along?
There's a lot going on here - thanks for sharing! Would love to know what inspired it.