Wills

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

Wills
 
It wasn't you that flopped out dead                                Flopped makes the sentence sound more comical, perhaps you're aiming for a more cynical tone
on the Godless sheets                                                     which relays the 'godless' in the next sentence more. I understand that, but i still feel that it 
of a hospital bed                                                             heavily diminishes the gravity of this otherwise heavy poem.
when your mother miscarried.
 
But you know you were baptized
in another girl's name.                                                    While i would personally have went for 'Child' instead of girl in this sentence, I must say that 
                                                                                       really appreciate the choice for 'girl' instead, which makes the poem almost be from a personal 
                                                                                      perspective, thus increasing its gravity. (I do sincerely hope you haven't been through such grief, though!)

Thanks for sharing this with us! Might I ask though, who do you refer to with 'you' in the first sentence? The sibbling of the misscariaged daughter?