First Post

[Chorus]

Hey I just mess around with poetry and I've always wondered if it was any good at all so just let me know if this is even passable! Also i don't even know what the form is so don't worry about that.

Belief born of sight at the junction of faith 
A man forever lost, origin without name 
The greatest of plights, myself and my wraith 
to search and find the inception of flame 

the colored crescent a mirage of the skyline
a cynical gift camouflaged behind sly time 
the treasure was promised indeed, in troves 
Alas, all he has found are the emperor's clothes 
lord falls low, jewel to thorn
Thin veil of grandeur forever torn 
mighty oak calls the humble leaf kin
See the tired traveler who could never be sin 
Crucify his god and deliver him to Eden

You have me lost. I do not understand what is happening in the final  parts of the poem,  and it's my belief that if a poem does not deliver a message or sentiment to the reader, the poem has ultimately failed it's truest intentions.

So, how can we fix this?

For one, I think you're sacrificing too much to rhyming. Rhyming is not the cornerstone of poetry. A poem does not need to rhyme. I would drop the rhyme entirely if I were you, since it seems to take more than it gives.

Second, I would extent the length of the poem. You seem to try to pack a ton of ideas into a small amount of space. Elaborate on those ideas, and elaborate on what exactly is happening in the poem. 

I like the idea of someone going to the end of a rainbow, but instead of finding gold, they find something which makes them realize the frivolousness of their quest. Awesome idea. I think if you expand the a bit and drop the rhyme scheme, you could have something really special