Dear Leviathan - Edit

[Richard]

Hey dukealien,
This is a strong poem for the most part. It plays around with the paradoxical view we have of the hippo, which truly is an interesting idea for a poem. My main suggestions would be about some of your wording, but I'll go into more detail below:

Dear Leviathan


Plump hippopotamus all round and cute, -"Plump" and "round" seem a bit repetitive to me. As well, has there ever been a hippo that wasn't plump? This is a bit of a nit-pick, but I think it's worth thinking about.
seductively stealth-swimming half-submerged, -I love the way this line sounds, and it creates a wonderful image in my mind as I read it. I just don't know if it entirely works with the meter for this poem, but I'm hardly an expert at that, so others might disagree.
whose baby-fat proportions strike us mute -
her winsome smile infects us, caution purged.
We love our hippo, chuckle at her girth,
her rolling clumsiness, her comic ears; -I find it interesting that you made the hippo a "her." Is there a reason for this? This is more for my own curiosity than anything else.
we marvel at her underwater birth,
her teary, piggy eyes that shame our fears. -I love the personification here. The idea that we would be embarrassed to fear the hippo works well in your poem.
She trots to catch and crush us though we dote;
her smile hides dagger-fangs, bone-red and pale
with which she hooks us when she flips a boat -This is such a frightening image, while also expanding the idea of the potential danger of the hippo.
and drowns us, distant aunt of killer whale. -Why the aunt?
    Beloved hippo, gross embodiment -
    how like she is to nanny-government! - I don't think this line quite works. I might be missing something here, but I would suggest rewording it. I even googled "nanny-government," (I have actually never heard of that expression in my life. Could it be because I'm Canadian?) which made me understand the line a bit more. However, it seems like you're trying to put a political point at the end when the rest of the poem seems rather apolitical. I guess you could argue that that gives the line emphasis, but it just seems inconsistent to me. Actually, this line did make me stop for a few minutes to think, so I am on the fence now. I do appreciate that the line caused so much thought. May be it does work.

Since this was started several weeks ago, it can't be called "after" Erthona's "Thoughts for the Fourth of July" (q.v.) but the similarity is striking.

Overall, this is a strong poem. I look forward to seeing where you go from here with it, and I thank you for the chance to critique it.

Cheers,
Richard