Dear Leviathan - Edit

[Achebe]

Dear Leviathan


Plump hippopotamus all round and cute,
seductively stealth-swimming half-submerged, ... I like 'stealth' - it sets up the metaphor well
whose baby-fat proportions strike us mute -
her winsome smile infects us, caution purged. I think a colon after 'us', and a comma instead of a full stop, thereby leading on to the next line, would read better
We love our hippo, chuckle at her girth,
her rolling clumsiness, her comic ears; ...with the above change, a full stop.
we marvel at her underwater birth,
her teary, piggy eyes that shame our fears. ...'piggy eyes' is a good observation
She trots to catch and crush us though we dote; ....'trots', 'dote' and 'crush' are comically arresting. This is good.
her smile hides dagger-fangs, bone-red and pale
with which she hooks us when she flips a boat
and drowns us, distant aunt of killer whale. ....cousins, really
Beloved hippo, gross embodiment -
how like she is to nanny-government! ....I don't think nannies crush and kill you, but I can't think of a better substitute

Since this was started several weeks ago, it can't be called "after" Erthona's "Thoughts for the Fourth of July" (q.v.) but the similarity is striking.

Nice one