06-03-2017, 01:43 AM
(06-02-2017, 10:34 PM)ellajam Wrote: An easy poem to sink into.Thanks ella,
(06-02-2017, 03:57 PM)tectak Wrote: Dusk dropped stale and breathless, felt like dark was overdue. "felt like" doesn't appeal to me, you might consider "as if".Thanks for the read, I'm enjoying it.
A beeswax moon was dodging past a kapok caricature. Great image.
I drifted in and out of sleep, my dreams became the sky; consider a punctuation change: , to ; then ; to :
a silent movie melded from the pageant passing by.
Silhouettes of summer, leaves of apple dark and green,
filled the space between my head and the distant silver screen. Love the filling of the space.
No melody in minor keys, no swelling heaven's throng...
but listen to the still, cool air and hear the nightjar's song. Ties perfectly to the opening line.
tectak
2017
I tried to be too clever. Felt like is dual meaning. Ah the hell with it. I'm with you

best,
tectak

