05-29-2017, 05:18 PM
Hey,
For some reason, this reminds me of the Malazan series, by Steven Erikson. This could morph into an epic fantasy poem if you wish to work on it.
Belief born of sight at the junction of faith
A man forever lost, origin without name This true name of things trope is a common element in fantasy. Intentional? if not, why is it here?
The greatest of plights, myself and my wraith Wraith came from nowhere
to search and find the inception of flame A seemingly random quest. This stanza could be expanded to give more meaning to the quest and its nature
the colored crescent a mirage of the skyline
a cynical gift camouflaged behind sly time This and the preceding line are a little confusing for me
the treasure was promised indeed, in troves
Alas, all he has found are the emperor's clothes Hehe. Reminds me of a story I read as a kid, "The emperor's clothes"
lord falls low, jewel to thorn
Thin veil of grandeur forever torn This is slightly confusing, again. Did he see him naked, dispelling his grandeur?
mighty oak calls the humble leaf kin
See the tired traveler who could never be sin
Crucify his god and deliver him to Eden Good end, but would be more meaningful with more coverage
[/quote]
I look forward to a longer version of this poem!
For some reason, this reminds me of the Malazan series, by Steven Erikson. This could morph into an epic fantasy poem if you wish to work on it.
Belief born of sight at the junction of faith
A man forever lost, origin without name This true name of things trope is a common element in fantasy. Intentional? if not, why is it here?
The greatest of plights, myself and my wraith Wraith came from nowhere
to search and find the inception of flame A seemingly random quest. This stanza could be expanded to give more meaning to the quest and its nature
the colored crescent a mirage of the skyline
a cynical gift camouflaged behind sly time This and the preceding line are a little confusing for me
the treasure was promised indeed, in troves
Alas, all he has found are the emperor's clothes Hehe. Reminds me of a story I read as a kid, "The emperor's clothes"
lord falls low, jewel to thorn
Thin veil of grandeur forever torn This is slightly confusing, again. Did he see him naked, dispelling his grandeur?
mighty oak calls the humble leaf kin
See the tired traveler who could never be sin
Crucify his god and deliver him to Eden Good end, but would be more meaningful with more coverage
[/quote]
I look forward to a longer version of this poem!
The Chronicles of Lethargia