F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision)

[Keith]

I don't remember reading this one first time round so I'm pleased to see the rework, I think the line breaks work well esp on the with the cigarette, my take away is the subtle way you work the metaphor of the N F*%cking being ageing icon. The poem works really well, I have put some comment below for consideration but its just that. Best Keith

Revision

I suppose we are like an old movie,
black and white, I didn't take anything from this line that I didn't already have from the lines before and after and for me its reads smoother without it but I could be missing its significance.
without the cold complications I really like these line because at first I thought surely colour brings warmth but colour lets us see more detail thus being cold, well done
of color, reduced to tired tropes
for an unseen audience.
We become the closed bedroom door,
the giggle and glance 
over breakfast, like these personifications
in these intricate steps 
to a slow dance
that implies nothing
more than a kiss in the backseat 
of a Continental, the long drag
on a cigarette, which is still 
only a cigarette, like this using cliche as cliche
and still fashionable
in the way of old Hollywood— delightful comparison brings the whole feel together.
where these roles are style over subtext,
and the words between us
are captions written on a screen
I can no longer read. Great ending leaves a hint of failure.