05-25-2017, 04:53 PM
Hey,
This feels like the poetic equivalent of a rebel-without-a-cause eulogizing a hack writer. That being said, I think it's pretty cool, and could really be something with some more work.
Crashed his hearse
on a one-way cul de sac Aren't all cul-de-sacs one-way? Why mention it?
Survived his widow
and he then drove back Not a fan of this and the preceding line. Feels clunky, and no sense of time, but the idea is good.
His ghostwritten prose,
all autobiographies …
… tweak’d Pinocchio’s nose tweak'd seems forced
with false tautologies A clever oxymoron there
Consistency, veracity
with him had died
He’d only be truthful
when he said that he lied While slightly cliched, is still a good way to end. Maybe reconstruct this?
The poem has a whimsical feel at the beginning, which morphs into something more dark and mean with the "... tweak'd" line. Liked the idea, stayed true to the title. Just some more spit and shine needed.
This feels like the poetic equivalent of a rebel-without-a-cause eulogizing a hack writer. That being said, I think it's pretty cool, and could really be something with some more work.
Crashed his hearse
on a one-way cul de sac Aren't all cul-de-sacs one-way? Why mention it?
Survived his widow
and he then drove back Not a fan of this and the preceding line. Feels clunky, and no sense of time, but the idea is good.
His ghostwritten prose,
all autobiographies …
… tweak’d Pinocchio’s nose tweak'd seems forced
with false tautologies A clever oxymoron there
Consistency, veracity
with him had died
He’d only be truthful
when he said that he lied While slightly cliched, is still a good way to end. Maybe reconstruct this?
The poem has a whimsical feel at the beginning, which morphs into something more dark and mean with the "... tweak'd" line. Liked the idea, stayed true to the title. Just some more spit and shine needed.
The Chronicles of Lethargia