Second Edit: dying thoughts

[Todd]

Hi Richard,

Let me give you some comments on your edit.

First Edit:

dying thought--I love the title and the direction it gives to the piece. There is a part of me that wonders if dying thougts is more appropriate given the length but I can accept either one.

back home--I see how your structuring this but as first lines go it's a bit underwhelming. Here's a thought what if you used back home and years later and (a title to be created later) as headings of the section instead of lines in their own right. I know it's a slight change but I think it might help. Your current L2 would make a fine opening line. One other thought was it because it was home or because you were inexperienced? What I'm getting at is should it be "back home" or "back then" I'm not sure but thought I'd check.
a sunset was a red traffic light--This is a great image.
holding back my friends and me
and the night felt like it was ours:-- a slight suggestion, what about "when the night felt like cheap drinks, awful pickup lines, and the kind...endless.
cheap drinks
awful pickup lines
the kind of love that seems endless
until it ends--I like the more experienced person looking back and reinterpreting what wasn't fully grasped the first time.

years later
a sunset was like divine permission--I'd stick with the metaphor structure you established earlier and cut the like.
to rest:--Not sure this line is necessary. You could just put a "for" in front of the next line.
drinks with the boys
loud music
eventually sleep
then i would report to work--any reason for the lower case i's.
happy
that it paid enough
that i could still go home--Here makes me think that back home is important.
to visit

i want to believe
all sunsets offer a warmth
worth embracing
i want to believe
i won't die alone
far from home--This section feels too abrupt, too condensed. I'm not sure you've earned an emotional impact to your final line. What this is missing is some of the specific details the earlier strophes had. I think this is where you should probably concentrate on.

but the truth is enough to kill a man --This can be a perfectly sound ending line if you build to it properly.

So, I enjoyed the read--especially S1. I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd