Second Edit: dying thoughts

[Wjames]

dying thoughts

i want to believe
the sunset is always the same collection of colours
and cliches
everywhere

but i know this belief is a lie I think this line is implied by the first line, "I want to believe", as well as by the differences in the sunsets in the rest of the poem.

back home
when i was younger I agree with Vagabond, I think you could cut this line and not lose anything.
sunsets were like red traffic lights I think this comparison would be stronger as a metaphor rather than a simile. I would cut "like".
holding back long lines
of drunken people
who even after the light changed I find this line is a little awkwardly worded. I might move it to the end of the stanza.
were content to wait outside a bar
as part of their search
for cheap love and drinks

years later
far from home
sunsets were like divine permission I would cut the "like" here too, but that's just personal preference.
to rest:
drinks with the boys
loud music
eventually sleep
then i would report to work
happy
that it paid enough
that i could still go home
to visit

the last sunset i saw
was fiery and cardinal red
promising a warmth
i'll never know I don't like this last line - it's real abrupt and vague, and I feel like I've read "I'll never know" a lot of times, it borders on cliche.

Hey Richard, I enjoyed reading this, I think the middle two stanzas are pretty strong - I was disappointed in the ending, though. 

The poem is titled "dying thoughts" and the final stanza is the only section of the poem which deals with that idea. The final stanza doesn't really say anything about these dying thoughts other than that they had a vague feeling of hopelessness.