05-16-2017, 09:30 PM
Hey Paul,
Thanks for the feedback. It's funny, when I was looking this over before putting in online, the "while" in third line wasn't sitting right with me, but I thought I was over thinking it. It's nice to have some confirmation of that thought. I like your comment about the dream in the last stanza. I think this is one of those times when I know what I mean, and I'm unfairly assuming everyone can read my mind, so that word is something I plan on revising in a future version.
Thanks again,
Richard
Thanks for the feedback. It's funny, when I was looking this over before putting in online, the "while" in third line wasn't sitting right with me, but I thought I was over thinking it. It's nice to have some confirmation of that thought. I like your comment about the dream in the last stanza. I think this is one of those times when I know what I mean, and I'm unfairly assuming everyone can read my mind, so that word is something I plan on revising in a future version.
Thanks again,
Richard