Cords - Edit 2

[dukealien]

Hi, dukealien.
I like this poem and the feeling I get when I read it. I read of the gentleness
of women and the protective nature of men, traditional examples of strength.

Cords

Women spun their distaff tufts                                                    
to spindle-whorls cast down
whipped ‘round with song from tuft to thread                                     really like this whimsical lyric
and thread to string to cord:
a woman’s life one skein
from when she learned to spin until
the shroud her daughters wove her.

Men spun plaited slings of cord                                                              
stones trapped in bulging pockets                                                        wondering why you chose "trapped", but may need to think more about it...
from which each whipping cast
released a singing bullet shot                                                                singing bullet gives an impression of speed and strength
for rabbit, wolf or foeman
dead or downed by stinging stone
each whirling shot an ending.                                                               I know "ending" is surely blunt, but wondering if just "ending" is descriptive enough.


I like the wording, in that it seems very old fashioned, as if the narrator is standing
in the past, but speaks about something that fits for today, too.
I hope you are finding joy and happiness today.
Janine

Thanks for the good critique.  You've pointed out two areas which can be improved (though I can't quite think of suitable edits yet, especially for the way a stone adheres to the pocket).

You may be reading more about the people involved than I thought I wrote... which is fine though, as always, surprising.  Edits maybe.