mother

[billy]

hi vag, just comments on the edit as i think it's the one that can be best edited.
actually i have no idea what you want that means it means I'm leaving feedback on your edited version


in general i'd suggest omitting unnecessary words and using if needed  punctuation instead;

measured, every element
down to your iron core                          wouldn´t it be strange if i left out the word that rhymes? i d have to eliminate more rhymes.. maybe i ll try a poem with the same content and without rhyme, but not today. having two words that rhyme [forgotten/rotten] don't make a rhyming poem [verse] and they're also a little forced. so let's be clear on this, it's not a rhyming poem of course i may have missed something and got it completely wrong, if i have please accept my apology

thanks for your comments.
i d like to know if it is expected to keep the original version intact in the first post or if i can just change it as i feel like.

it seems your edit is on the bottom and i was answering the original version. sorry, i'll now go and leave feedback on the edit.