05-09-2017, 08:40 PM
A Toast to the New Year
Now once again as in the past,
the time has come, but will not last, "but will not last" seems only for the sake of rhyme
So let us toss out all our fears,
and welcome in the coming year. i´d erase "and"
And let us leave no unturned stone,
of sins to others, let's now atone, i ´d erase "now"
and leave our anger, hate and strife,
within the fold of coming night. maybe "parting night" since you cannot leave something in the future
And with a smile upon our face,
no matter that it seems misplaced, "if" instead of "that"?
lets pledge together this one thing,
only joy to others bring.
i appreciate rhyme (if you remember), so i like that poem.
but not above meaning/ message, so i don´t like it a lot.
few suggestions as i am supposed to give constructive criticism
Now once again as in the past,
the time has come, but will not last, "but will not last" seems only for the sake of rhyme
So let us toss out all our fears,
and welcome in the coming year. i´d erase "and"
And let us leave no unturned stone,
of sins to others, let's now atone, i ´d erase "now"
and leave our anger, hate and strife,
within the fold of coming night. maybe "parting night" since you cannot leave something in the future
And with a smile upon our face,
no matter that it seems misplaced, "if" instead of "that"?
lets pledge together this one thing,
only joy to others bring.
i appreciate rhyme (if you remember), so i like that poem.
but not above meaning/ message, so i don´t like it a lot.
few suggestions as i am supposed to give constructive criticism