05-09-2017, 01:17 PM
Hi 67eager
When I first read the poem I found myself rudely offended by some of the graphic depictions, but after reading it over and over, I began to read some hope into it and I saw it quite differently. Let me share what i can a critique with mixed interpretation.
A DECEMBER MIDNIGHT IN PARIS. -too much info in the title, and strange you even provide it
From giggly passages of ground breaking erections, -too vulgar for a poem about Paris, waste of time
Past transparent blue yet impermeable nightgowns, -The first two L confused me
Come double decker routes heading two directions; I thought about the Storming
To either nearby junctions or far away towns. of the Bastille and many a soldier's battles
Gathered across in varied shapes and sizes
Are fuel powered rodents in perfect alignment,
Waiting and watching up until the sun rises, -seems that way, at times...
Ready to pursue their master's next assignment.
Two blocks ahead, in her fading peach splendour,
The friendless monster bids you a hopeless goodnight.
She puts to bed her perceived slender
And falls to rest, though standing upright. -can you explain this line?
Below the fleeting rareness of the purple night
Stands the skeletal remnants of a once blooming trade -these
Whose absence left a party pleading for light. last three lines
Below is not age, but deprivation in its darkest shade. too nondescript... "below" twice doesn't work well, either
By this hour, frost engulfs benches and rails, -hopefully a carving of TRUE LOVE ALWAYS (frost means poetry to me)
And the faint glimmer of lamp posts guides no one,
For most lie in bed dreaming up tails,
Except for one man, whose bird nest hair was far from done.
Glued on him were fragmented sheets of faded flannel
And the occasional patch of harsh, malnourished skin. -
As he approached, he arrested our flowing channel,
And kindly asked us, with a mined out sort of grin: -mined out seems strange
Could you spare us any change lads? (s)?
At change the colour of his song had fiercely decayed. These were the four lines I saw
Perhaps capital for him was a painfully distant trade. as a victory
It then became clear to me, I'm afraid, though the author
That I again saw deprivation, it its darkest shade. may have intended else wise
I deleted much of my original critique
that included the part where
I wrote "I just puked in my mouth"
because I failed to read forum rules
at first
I hope you will soon be able
to view a lovely purple night,
like the one I saw very recently
(without having to wait forever).
janine
When I first read the poem I found myself rudely offended by some of the graphic depictions, but after reading it over and over, I began to read some hope into it and I saw it quite differently. Let me share what i can a critique with mixed interpretation.
A DECEMBER MIDNIGHT IN PARIS. -too much info in the title, and strange you even provide it
From giggly passages of ground breaking erections, -too vulgar for a poem about Paris, waste of time
Past transparent blue yet impermeable nightgowns, -The first two L confused me
Come double decker routes heading two directions; I thought about the Storming
To either nearby junctions or far away towns. of the Bastille and many a soldier's battles
Gathered across in varied shapes and sizes
Are fuel powered rodents in perfect alignment,
Waiting and watching up until the sun rises, -seems that way, at times...
Ready to pursue their master's next assignment.
Two blocks ahead, in her fading peach splendour,
The friendless monster bids you a hopeless goodnight.
She puts to bed her perceived slender
And falls to rest, though standing upright. -can you explain this line?
Below the fleeting rareness of the purple night
Stands the skeletal remnants of a once blooming trade -these
Whose absence left a party pleading for light. last three lines
Below is not age, but deprivation in its darkest shade. too nondescript... "below" twice doesn't work well, either
By this hour, frost engulfs benches and rails, -hopefully a carving of TRUE LOVE ALWAYS (frost means poetry to me)
And the faint glimmer of lamp posts guides no one,
For most lie in bed dreaming up tails,
Except for one man, whose bird nest hair was far from done.
Glued on him were fragmented sheets of faded flannel
And the occasional patch of harsh, malnourished skin. -
As he approached, he arrested our flowing channel,
And kindly asked us, with a mined out sort of grin: -mined out seems strange
Could you spare us any change lads? (s)?
At change the colour of his song had fiercely decayed. These were the four lines I saw
Perhaps capital for him was a painfully distant trade. as a victory
It then became clear to me, I'm afraid, though the author
That I again saw deprivation, it its darkest shade. may have intended else wise
I deleted much of my original critique
that included the part where
I wrote "I just puked in my mouth"
because I failed to read forum rules
at first
I hope you will soon be able
to view a lovely purple night,
like the one I saw very recently
(without having to wait forever).
janine
there's always a better reason to love