05-06-2017, 09:32 AM
Hi Milo. Wow, what a wonderful write. I am sorry I didn't jump on the critique wagon before your edit. I was super impressed with how well it was written and feeling a bit intimidated, I think. What a gifted poet. Thank you very much for the read. In order to comment I must critique though my critique is limited to comments:
Kiting
In Bonnie Brae a field is split by kills this was amazing and holds personal significance to me, clever
and hedged by thickets on the southern side,
a vagrant patch of long untended graves
and then the woods, too thick to let light pass.
On a clear day with wind just true enough
to fill a sail or launch a skiff we gathered -
a score of us to test our skills at flying
kites as if we happened there by chance.
The dance began as I unfurled my partner -
a hand-painted red komodo dragon oh, yikes!
with double wires and a twenty-five foot tail.
I slowly let her up and gave her reign her, why certainly
then deftly pulled her aft to paint the sky
then took two hours teaching her to roll
and slowly build to form a somersault.
Then sometime after noon we traded places this troubles me
and I was high above and breaching clouds -
a just-fledged falcon drunk on swoops and dives,
I spun and dipped held only by my line.
But fickle kites don’t have the nerve for kiting
as men don’t have the buoyancy to fly
so who’s to say whose fault, the bridle buckled,
the guy wire snapped, I keeled and then I tumbled
back home, my body broke against the ground. sad
I like poems that can teach without my suffering
through them. I like the things I learned in this
poem. Thank you for the read. It was much
enjoyable. Please have a wonderful day/evening
where ever you are. This was a blessing.
janine
Kiting
In Bonnie Brae a field is split by kills this was amazing and holds personal significance to me, clever
and hedged by thickets on the southern side,
a vagrant patch of long untended graves
and then the woods, too thick to let light pass.
On a clear day with wind just true enough
to fill a sail or launch a skiff we gathered -
a score of us to test our skills at flying
kites as if we happened there by chance.
The dance began as I unfurled my partner -
a hand-painted red komodo dragon oh, yikes!
with double wires and a twenty-five foot tail.
I slowly let her up and gave her reign her, why certainly
then deftly pulled her aft to paint the sky
then took two hours teaching her to roll
and slowly build to form a somersault.
Then sometime after noon we traded places this troubles me
and I was high above and breaching clouds -
a just-fledged falcon drunk on swoops and dives,
I spun and dipped held only by my line.
But fickle kites don’t have the nerve for kiting
as men don’t have the buoyancy to fly
so who’s to say whose fault, the bridle buckled,
the guy wire snapped, I keeled and then I tumbled
back home, my body broke against the ground. sad
I like poems that can teach without my suffering
through them. I like the things I learned in this
poem. Thank you for the read. It was much
enjoyable. Please have a wonderful day/evening
where ever you are. This was a blessing.
janine
there's always a better reason to love